Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Sketches Read online

  Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Sketches

  G'day Bruce! Bruce here, giving you a big Australian welcome to the Bruce directory of all the Bruce scripts from the Monty "Bruce" Python tv series, brought to you by the fine folks at (what else?) Monty Python's Flying Circus in Australia! Australia, Australia! We love you, amen! Now this here is a fine Australian Bruce site run by Bruce "Bruce" Jewell, Bruce, and normally we wouldn't steal content from such a site, but, well, the site was down today and we figured SOMEBODY else ought to have these sketches here for the general public to love. Now, this is not intended as a replacement for the printed Python scripts, this is only intended as reference material for people wanting to look up a specific sketch, as I so often get emails from people asking about this sketch or that sketch ... if you enjoy the Monty Python sketches, please buy the books "All the Words" (or "Just the Words") volumes 1 and 2, the official script books that inspired this site. Okay? Now, on with the sketches.

  Clicking the number in brackets beside each sketch name will take you to a page listing which episode and series the sketch is from along with the other sketches from the same episode.

  SKETCHES FROM THE FIRST SERIES

  SKETCHES FROM THE SECOND SERIES

  SKETCHES FROM THE THIRD SERIES

  SKETCHES FROM THE FOURTH SERIES

  A|B|C|D|E|F|G|H|I|J|K|L|M|N|O|P|Q|R|S|T|U|V|W|X|Y|Z

  A

  Accidents sketch (18)

  Advertisements (13)

  After-shave (17)

  Agatha Christie sketch (11)

  Agatha Christie sketch (railway timetables) (24)

  Albatross (13)

  Anagram quiz (30)

  Anne Elk (31)

  Ant Complaints (41)

  'Anything goes In' (song) (42)

  Apology (33)

  Apology (politicians) (32)

  Apology for violence and nudity (29)

  Appeal on behalf of extremely rich people (45)

  'Archeology Today' (21)

  Architect sketch (17)

  Argument clinic (29)

  Army captain as clown (30)

  Army protection racket (8)

  Art critic (4)

  Art critic - the place of the nude (8)

  Art gallery (4)

  Art gallery strikes (25)

  Arthur Tree (10)

  Arthur 'Two-Sheds' Jackson (1)

  At home with the ant and other pets (41)

  Attila the Bun (20)

  Mr Attila the Hun (13)

  Attila the Nun (20)

  'The Attila the Hun Show' (20)

  The audit (7)

  B

  Back to the 'Light Entertainment Awards' (39)

  Bank robber (lingerie shop) (10)

  Batley Townswomens' Guild presents the Battle of Pearl Harbor (11)

  Batley Townswomen's Guild presents the first heart transplant (22)

  The batsmen of the Kalahari (45)

  The Battle of Trafalgar (11)

  The BBC is short of money (28)

  BBC News (handovers) (45)

  Beethoven's mynah bird (21)

  Bicycle repair man (3)

  Biggles dictates a letter (33)

  'Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bong' (song) (22)

  Bingo-crazed Chinese (34)

  'The Bishop' (17)

  A bishop rehearsing (16)

  'The Black Eagle' (25)

  'Blackmail' (18)

  Blancmanges playing tennis. (7)

  'Blood, Devastation, Death, War and Horror' (30)

  Blood donor (39)

  Bogus psychiatrists (43)

  Bomb on plane (35)

  'A Book at Bedtime' (38)

  Boxing commentary (43)

  Boxing match aftermath (43)

  'Boxing Tonight' - Jack Bodell v. Sir Kenneth Clark (37)

  Brigadier and Bishop (45)

  The British Well-Basically Club (35)

  Bruces (22)

  Bull-fighting (35)

  Burglar/encyclopedia salesman. (5)

  Burying the Cat (27)

  Bus conductor sketch (30)

  Buying a bed (8)

  Buying an ant (41)

  C

  Camel spotting (7)

  Camp square-bashing (22)

  Careers advisory board (5)

  Charwoman (39)

  The Cheap-Laughs (35)

  Cheese shop (33)

  Chemist sketch (17)

  Children's interview (3)

  Children's stories (3)

  Children's Story (32)

  A choice of viewing (17)

  City gents vox pops (24)

  Climbing the north face of the Uxbridge road (33)

  Clodagh Rogers (34)

  Coal mine (historical argument) (26)

  Colin Mozart (ratcatcher) (21)

  Come back to my place (13)

  Commercials (26)

  Communist quiz (25)

  Complaints (16)

  Complaints Department (41)

  Confuse-a-Cat (5)

  'Conjuring Today' (44)

  Conquistador coffee campaign (24)

  Cosmetic surgery (22)

  Court (phrasebook) (25)

  Court scene (charades). (15)

  Court scene - multiple murderer (27)

  Court scene (Viking) (27)

  Court scene (witness in coffin/Cardinal Richelieu) (3)

  Courtmartial (Basingstoke in Westphalia) (42)

  'Crackpot Religions Ltd' (24)

  Credits of the Year (39)

  Cricket match (assegais) (45)

  Crossing the Atlantic on a tricycle (24)

  Crunchy frog (6)

  Current affairs (18)

  Cut-price airline (22)

  Cycling Tour (34)

  D

  'Dad's Doctors' and other interesting stories (38)

  David Niven's fridge (39)

  Dead Indian (19)

  Dead parrot (8)

  The death of Mary Queen of Scots (22)

  Deja vu (16)

  Dennis Moore (37)

  Dennis Moore Rides Again (37)

  Dentists (live from Epsom) (43)

  Department store (41)

  Derby Council v. All Blacks rugby match (23)

  Different endings. (41)

  Dirty Hungarian phrasebook (25)

  The dirty vicar sketch (39)

  Doctor (37)

  A doctor whose patients are stabbed by his nurse (45)

  Documentary on ants (41)

  Documentary on boxer (18)

  A duck, a cat and a lizard (discussion) (5)

  The dull life of a City stockbroker (6)

  Dung (19)

  E

  Eighteenth-century social legislation (11)

  Election Night Special (Silly and Sensible Parties). (19)

  Elizabethan pornography smugglers (36)

  Emigration from Surbiton to Hounslow (28)

  The Epsom furniture race (20)

  Elizabeth L (29)

  Erotic film (5)

  Escape (from film) (18)

  Europolice Song Contest (22)

  Everest climbed by hairdressers (31)

  Expedition to Lake Pahoe (32)

  Exploding penguin on the TV set (22)

  Exploding version of 'The Blue Danube' (26)

  F

  'Face the Press' (14)

  Famous deaths (1)

  Farming Club (28)

  Father-in-law (43)

  Film director (teeth) (24)

  Film trailer (42)

  'Finian's Rainbow' (starring the man from the off-license) (19)

  Fire brigade (31)

  The first man to jump the Channel (
10)

  The first underwater production of 'Measure for Measure' (22)

  Fish license (23)

  Fish-slapping dance (28)

  The Flasher (8)

  Flying lessons (16)

  Flying sheep (2)

  Foreign Secretary (19)

  Fraud film squad (29)

  The free repetition of doubtful words sketch, by an underrated author (36)

  French lecture on sheep-aircraft (2)

  French subtitled film (23)

  The funniest joke in the world (1)

  G

  George III (40)

  Gestures to indicate pauses in a televised talk (30)

  Girls boarding school (26)

  Mr and Mrs Git (21)

  Gorilla Librarian (10)

  Gumby crooner (9)

  Gumby brain specialist (32)

  Gumby flower arranging (25)

  H

  Hamlet and Ophelia (43)

  Hell's Grannies (8)

  Hermits (8)

  Hijacked plane (to Luton) (16)

  Mr. Hilter (12)

  Historical impersonations (13)

  Hitting on the head lessons (29)

  Homicidal barber (9)

  Hospital for over-actors (25)

  Hospital run by RSM (26)

  Housing project built by characters from nineteenth-century English literature (35)

  How far can a minister fall? (12)

  'How not to be seen' (24)

  How to feed a goldfish (26)

  How to give up being a Mason (17)

  'How to recognize different parts of the body' (22)

  How to rid the world of all known diseases (28)

  Hungarian Phrasebook (25)

  Hunting film (9)

  I

  Icelandic Honey Week (45)

  Icelandic saga (27)

  Ideal Loon Exhibition (37)

  The Idiot in Society (20)

  'if' - a film by Mr Dibley (19)

  Inspector Flying Fox of the Yard (29)

  Insurance sketch (26)

  Interesting people (11)

  Intermissions (13)

  International Wife-Swapping (39)

  Interruptions (11)

  Interview in filing cabinet (24)

  'Is there?'... life after death? (36)

  Italian lesson (1)

  'It's a Living' (19)

  It's a man's life in the modern army (4)

  It's Man Show (28)

  'It's the Arts' (1)

  'It's the Arts' (6)

  'It's Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart' (1)

  J

  'Jack in a Box' (34)

  Job hunter (24)

  Jockey Interviews (43)

  Johann Gombolputty... von Hautkopf of Ulm (6)

  Jokes and novelties salesman (15)

  Judges (21)

  'Julius Caesar' on an Aldis lamp (15)

  Jungle restaurant (29)

  K

  Kamikaze Scotsmen (38)

  Ken Russell's 'Gardening Club' (29)

  Ken Shabby (12)

  Kilimanjaro expedition (double vision) (9)

  Killer sheep (20)

  L

  Language laboratory (31)

  The larch (3)

  The last five miles of the M2 (42)

  Leapy Lee (21)

  Letter (lavatorial humour) (11)

  Letters and vox pops (5)

  Letters to 'Daily Mirror' (10)

  Lifeboat (cannibalism) (26)

  Life and death struggles (30)

  'Life of Tschaikowsky' (28)

  Lifeboat (33)

  'Light Entertainment Awards' (39)

  Literary football discussion (11)

  Live from the Grill-o-Mat snack bar, Paignton (18)

  Living room on pavement (17)

  Llamas (9)

  Long John Silver Impersonators v. Bournemouth Gynaecologists (23)

  The Lost World of Roiurama (29)

  Louis XIV (40)

  Lumberjack song WAV (9)

  Lupins (37)

  M

  Man-powered flight (15)

  Man turns into Scotsman (7)

  A man with a tape recorder up his brother's nose (9)

  A man with a tape recorder up his nose (9)

  The man who collects birdwatcher's eggs (26)

  The man who contradicts people (22)

  The man who finishes other people's sentences (45)

  The man who is alternately rude and polite (18)

  The man who makes people laugh uncontrollably (30)

  The man who says words in the wrong order (36)

  The man who speaks in anagrams (30)

  The man who speaks only the beginnings of words (26)

  The man who speaks only the ends of words (26)

  The man who speaks only the middles of words (26)

  The man who says things in a very roundabout way (26)

  A man with three buttocks (2)

  A man with two noses (2)

  Marriage guidance counsellor (2)

  Mary recruitment office (30)

  Me Doctor (13)

  Merchant banker (30)

  Michaelangelo (21)

  The Minister for not listening to people (32)

  The Ministry of Silly Walks (14)

  Molluscs - 'live' TV documentary (32)

  M1 interchange built by characters from 'Paradise Lost' (35)

  'The Money Programme' (29)

  Montgolfier Brothers (40)

  Monty Python's Flying Circus again in thirty seconds. (24)

  'Mortuary Hour' (35)

  Mosquito hunters (21)

  'Most Awful Family in Britain' (45)

  Motor insurance sketch (17)

  Mountaineer (26)

  The mouse problem (2)

  Musical mice (2)

  Mystico and Janet - flats built by hypnosis (35)

  N

  A Naked man (35)

  'Nationwide' (43)

  Naughty bits (22)

  Neurotic announcers (30)

  Mr Neutron (41)

  Mr Neutron is found (41)

  Mr Neutron is missing (41)

  Mr Neutron is still missing (41)

  Mr Neville Shunt (24)

  New brain from Curry's (39)

  New cooker sketch (14)

  The news for gibbons (20)

  The news for parrots (20)

  The news for wombats (20)

  The news with Richard Baker (33)

  Newsflash (Germans) (42)

  Newsreader arrested (5)

  Mrs Niggerbaiter explodes (28)

  Non-illegal robbery (6)

  Norwegian Party Political Broadcast (41)

  No time to lose (38)

  The North Minehead by-election (12)

  Nudge nudge. (3)

  O

  Off-Licence (37)

  Old lady snoopers (33)

  The Olympic hide-and-seek final (35)

  One more minute of Monty Python's Flying Circus (29)

  Operating theatre (squatters). (13)

  The Oscar Wilde sketch (39)

  Our Eamonn (31)

  P

  'Pantomime Horse is a Secret Agent film'. (30)

  Pantomime horses (30)

  'Party Hints' with Veronica Smalls (31)

  Party Political Broadcast (32)

  Party Political Broadcast (choreographed) (38)

  Pasolini's film 'The Third Test Match' (39)

  Penguins (38)

  People falling from buildings (12)

  Pet conversions (10)

  Philip Jenkinson on Cheese Westerns (33)

  Photos of Uncle Ted (Spanish Inquisition) (15)

  Picasso/cycling race (1)

  Piranha brothers, The (14)

  Piston engine (a bargain) (43)

  Mr Pither (34)

  Poet McTeagle, The (16)

  Poetry reading (ants) (41)

  Poets (17)

  Police Constable Pan-Am. (17)

  Police
helmets (43)

  Police raid (5)

  Police station (7)

  Police station (silly voices) (12)

  Policemen make wonderful friends (6)

  Poofy judges (21)

  Pornographic bookshop (36)

  Post box ceremony (44)

  'Prejudice' (37)

  Mrs Premise and Mrs Conclusion visit Jean-Paul Sartre (27)

  Prices on the planet Algon (35)

  'Probe-around' on crime (13)

  Programme titles conference (42)

  Psychiatrist milkman (16)

  Psychiatry - silly sketch (13)

  The public are idiots (42)

  Puss in Boots. (28)

  Q

  Queen Victoria Handicap (43)

  The Queen will be watching (26)

  Quiz programme - 'Wishes' (13)

  R

  RAF banter (42)

  Ramsey MacDonald striptease (24)

  Ratcatcher (20)

  Raymond Luxury Yacht interview (19)

  'Rear Window' - a film by Mr Dibley (19)

  Red Indian in theatre (6)

  The refreshment room at Bletchley (9)

  Registrar (wife swap) (21)

  Registry office (19)

  Repeating groove (24)

  Restaurant (abuse/cannibalism) (13)

  Restaurant sketch (3)

  Rival documentaries (38)

  A room in Polonius' house (43)

  S

  Salvation fuzz (Dead Bishop) (29)

  Sam Peckinpah's 'Salad Days' (33)

  School prize-giving (19)

  Schoolboys' Life Assurance Company (28)

  Science fiction sketch (7)

  A Scotsman on a horse (2)

  A Scotsman on a horse (6)

  Scott of the Antarctic (23)

  Scott of the Sahara (23)

  Seashore interlude film (33)

  Secretary of State striptease (20)

  Secret Service dentists (4)

  Seduced milkmen (3)

  Self-defence (4)

  The Semaphore version of 'Wuthering Heights' (15)

  Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (18)

  Shakespeare (21)

  Sherry-drinking vicar (36)

  Show-jumping (musical) (42)

  The show so far (33)

  The silliest sketch we've ever done (32)

  The silliest interview we've ever had (32)

  Silly disturbances (the Rev. Arthur Belling) (36)

  Silly doctor sketch (immediately abandoned) (21)